When they have you in their sights, their blades will find your heart. But only one of their hearts will survive this horror duel.
Hiro: Jason Voorhees, the killer who defines Friday the 13th.
MBStarscream: And Michael Myers, the Shape.
Hiro: With their disconcerting silence, their uncontrollable rage and their impossible immortality, these two men have made audiences crap their pants with terror in the theatre for decades. They truly have had their impact on the horror genre.
MBStarscream: They've also been at war with each other for that amount of time, let it be in fan-made films and a awesome-looking fighting game named Terrordrome. Believe me, I'm one of those people. Would've taken it over Freddy vs. Jason anyday, which still ended up being awesome.
Hiro: Well, now they finally confront one another after so many years in our little crossover of our own since those filmmakers clearly aren't gonna wake up. I'm Hiro Hamada.
MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.
Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.
Jason Voorhees Edit
Hiro: On the 13th of June, 1946, Jason Voorhees was born in the small town of Crystal Lake to Elias and Pamela Voorhees. But he wasn't born a normal human being. He was afflicted with severe facial deformities, hydrocephalic, an abnormally large head and mental disability.
MBStarscream: Eww! Just look at this! DAAAAAH! I can see why Pamela never took him to school lookin' like that. Yeah, we're off to a good start already.
Hiro: Things would only get worse for Jason. When he turned 11 in 1957, Pamela resorted to bringing him to Camp Crystal Lake where she worked as a cook, unable to get a babysitter for her son. Jason was bullied by the other campers and attempted to escape, but was thrown into Crystal Lake by those little asshats where he drowned. Jesus Christ, this pisses me off.
MBStarscream: Whoa, man, easy. How about I'll explain the rest? The camp closed as a result of Jason's death, but reopened the next summer. It was closed again when Pamela, mad with grief, murdered Barry and Claudette, the counselors she blamed for Jason's drowning, cuz they were talking and having sex instead of being responsible and watching the children. I really wish she killed those little fuckers who bullied Jason in the first place, cuz I totally would've. Oh, yeah.
Hiro: Who didn't have those thoughts in the theatre? Honestly? Anyway, Pamela was eventually decapitated by Alice Hardy via a machete. But Jason had somehow returned to life after his drowning and had witnessed this, and he would soon be using the very same machete Alice used to kill his mother in his mass killing sprees.
MBStarscream: He's ended about 350 lives, man! He was NOT fucking around!
Hiro: Most definitely. His signature weapon can slice through a human's limb, amputating them as a result, and can impale victims as well, even through both a human and a tree at the same time. There's a reason why it's Jason's favorite weapon.
MBStarscream: Yes folks, his machete isn't the only thing he's used during his rampage. A hammer, spear, knife, pitchfork, pickax, meat clever, sewing needle, harpoon rifle, fire poker, his bare hands, axe, saw, and corkscrew have all helped him get his revenge on the world for giving such a bad childhood.
Hiro: Check out his physical abilities as well. With his enormous strength, he can break people in half, behead someone with just a punch, send victims flying through the air, and go through concrete. Heck, he's freed himself after being pinned by a fallen tree.
MBStarscream: And don't think you can knock him out by hitting him in the head with a shovel, cuz it will break once it hits him, his skull is that goddamn hard. And anything else will fail as well. Stab him? Shoot him? Hang him? Ax him in the head? Impale him? Put a machete through his shoulder? All of those have just made him more pissed off than anything.
Hiro: After being accidentally revived by Tommy Jarvis, Jason now possesses a unique ability to regenerate any lost and damaged tissue at an accelerated rate. This has allowed him to survive all the things Starscream just listed out, so anything you do to him won't even delay his inevitable killing of you.
MBStarscream: Jason is a full-fledged immortal who cannot age and he could survive and adapt to any environment, as shown when he managed to function in the vacuum of space.
Hiro: He's shown to be extremely intelligent and high-functioning, while possessing some tactical sense and strategic planning despite his hydrocephalic deformities. He lays traps for his victims as seen in Part 2, can be seen restraining victims to avoid detection, and he carefully arranges the bodies of his victims, occasionally using them as blockades or projectiles.
MBStarscream: He's skilled in combat, seeing how he fought against Freddy Krueger on two occasions in Freddy vs. Jason, holding his own in both duels, and he can swim at incredible speeds, completely unrestricted by water resistance.
Hiro: And he's even stood toe-to-toe with characters from the Mortal Kombat franchise with his own set of moves, fatalities and brutalities.
MBStarscream: Leatherface and Ash Williams have also squared against him and he's matched them blow for blow. He's also fought both Cassie Hack and her partner Vlad, as well as Dexter Morgan and hell, a future version of himself, Jason X! ...Well, kind of, it was actually a clone that fought X. And if he's blown to bits, his heart can hypnotize others into eating it, causing them to become possessed by his soul.
Hiro: It was already difficult to put him down when he was alive, but now, anyone in their right mind wouldn't even consider attempting to do anything to him, just run the hell out of there. Thank God there's weaknesses, though.
MBStarscream: He has an inconsistent fear of water, the very thing that killed him when he was a boy, and his soul can be destroyed or sent to Hell. He moves very slowly and can be distracted if he encounters someone who resembles his mother.
Hiro: His intentions are predictable and he doesn't harm children, babies, or people who haven't been to Crystal Lake.
MBStarscream: So all I have to do is just pretend Crystal Lake doesn't exist and I won't be on this guy's hit list?
Hiro: Pretty much.
MBStarscream: Never knew it was that simple. But no matter what, for the love of God, don't pick a fight with Camp Crystal Lake's unkillable murderer if you know what's good for you.
Jason drags a sleeping bag out of a tent and slams it into a tree trunk three times, killing the person inside it.
Michael Myers Edit
Hiro: Halloween, the night of 31 October, the eve of All Saints' Day, often celebrated by children dressing up in frightening masks and costumes. Halloween is thought to be associated with the Celtic festival Samhain, when ghosts and spirits were believed to be abroad.
MBStarscream: Ah, the childhood memories... are now ruined by this motherfucker! Thanks a lot!
Hiro: Michael Myers was born on October 19th, 1957 to Ron and Edith Myers. He had one much older sister, Judith, who was 17 and a younger sister named Laurie who was 4 years younger. Michael was raised in an apparently normal upbringing in the small suburban town of Haddonfield, IL and lived in the house at 35 Lampkin Lane.
MBStarscream: Then things would change forever on the Halloween night of 1963. While Judith spent her time with her boyfriend Danny instead of taking Michael out trick-or-treating, he came up with the best response: Take the biggest knife in the house, wait for Danny to leave and stab Judith to death. Jesus Michael, all she did was not take you treat-or-tricking! Disproportionate retribution is what I call that shit!
Hiro: Michael was rightfully locked up in Smith's Grove Sanitarium and spent fifteen years there with a psychiatrist named Doctor Samuel Loomis until he broke out and released the other patients. Michael Myers had returned, stronger and now ready to finish the violent carnage he had started all those years ago.
MBStarscream: Like any other serial killer would, Michael carries around a large kitchen knife as his signature weapon, and once he's used it, you'll be lookin' like swiss cheese.
Hiro: Even without that knife of his, Michael has enough superhuman strength to use his thumb alone to penetrate human skulls which are twice as strong as concrete and effortlessly lift and hold aloft an adult human male with one arm.
MBStarscream: He's also lifted and carried tombstones and used blunt objects to impale an adult human male through a solid wooden door. Goddamn, man!
Hiro: What makes an encounter with Michael so terrifying is his sneaking skills. He can stake unsuspecting victims from both hiding and open spaces without being detected or making a sound at all.
MBStarscream: Like Jason, he is also a tough motherfucker to destroy. He's been shot, stabbed, impaled, electrocuted and burned, and still stood up. He must have a healing factor if none of that resulted in him dead, which allows him to regenerate tissue and even whole damn organs!
Hiro: But it might be possible to end his killing streak with fire or by decapitating him, once again proving that regenerative characters always have limits in their healing factors.
MBStarscream: Another thing he has in common with Jason is his intellect despite being in a mental house for a decade and a half. He somehow possesses full knowledge of how to operate and drive a car, to the point where he cannot be differentiated from other motorists. He always cuts the telephone lines, creates traps, blocks exits before he reveals himself to his victim and took out the power station ahead of time.
Hiro: He's even framed someone for his murders. Yep. His feats include taking out a whole police force and somehow climbing a tree with a dead body wrapped in a string of lights and secured it there at a crowded festival without anyone noticing.
MBStarscream: He has killed about 85 victims, 81 people and 4 animals, and he's never actually died once in his franchise. You're seriously lucky that even someone like Michael Myers has flaws.
Hiro: He tends to walk slowly when on the attack, easily allowing his victim to outrun him and as I've mentioned before, fire and beheading him are heavily implied to be methods of killing him for good. And plus, he got defeated by... kung-fu buster rhymes?
MBStarscream: F**k that movie!
Hiro: The Mask of the Thorn is a possibly weak spot and can be taken off, turning Michael into a normal man and even if a hit doesn't kill him, it can very well knock him out. He's also kinda emotional.
MBStarscream: But once Michael Myers is coming out on Halloween, he WON'T be out for candy.
Michael strangles Lynda van der Klok to death with a telephone line.
Fatal Fiction Edit
Mario flips a coin.
Hiro: Jason has the immediate home advantage here. It's time to see who is truly the king of the horror genre.
MBStarscream: If I have nightmares after watching this, I'm blaming you, Wolverine.
Camp Crystal Lake
The forest was dead silent. There was no clouds in the sky, only the astronomical body that orbited Earth that was called the Moon. And then a teenage girl revealed herself hiding behind a tree with a look of fear on her face. She appeared to be African-American and looked like she was at the age of seventeen. She wore a purple shirt that did nothing to hide her abdomen, blue jeans and brown shoes.
She started walking slowly through the forest and started looking around nervously. And then a man peeked his head from behind a tree. The man in question was huge when compared to the teenage girl, about six feet and two inches tall in height. He held a massive knife in his left hand, it's purpose as clear as glass and wore a mask with an expression as blank as a sheet of paper. He also wore a plumbing jumpsuit.
All of these traits were signs that this man was Michael Myers.
He had heard rumors that people who went to place never came back to tell their friends about their experience. The reasons were unknown, but they must have died if they never physically appeared again, which meant that someone must have killed them. Michael was determined to find out who was responsible for the strange disappearances because only he got to end human life. He had searched for sometime until he realized that if there was another killer here, he'd have to draw him out.
Looking to his left, he saw another man a fair distance away from him, who happened to be stalking the same girl. Michael could see a white hockey mask on the man's face and a machete in his hand. Michael quickly hid behind the tree so he wouldn't be spotted. He looked at his knife as he mentally prepared himself to stab his weapon into both human beings. First he'd start with the girl, then confront the man. That way, he'd catch the man off guard and in his surprise he wouldn't have time to escape with his life before Michael ended it.
When he peeked out again, the man was getting closer to the unsuspecting girl. Michael was admittedly impressed by the man's stealth abilities. But now wasn't the time to admire what the man was capable of. It was killing time.
Gripping his knife tightly, Michael waited for about two seconds until he charged at the girl from behind. He swung his knife and the girl's head dropped to the floor. He spun around and saw how effective his plan was. He ran over to the man and plunged his knife square into his heart. But to his confusion, the man didn't fall down. In fact, he barely even moved, and he didn't make a sound either. He just looked at Michael with silent comtempt.
Michael then looked up in fear as Jason Voorhees lifted his machete. He quickly punched Jason in the stomach, winding him and then walked backward. Michael then watched with disbelief as Jason's wound began to regenerate. This was gonna be harder than he thought. Jason glared at Michael with anger. There was only room for one murderer here.
Clenching his fist, Jason pulled it back and punched out. Michael ducked and responded with his own punch to Jason's chest. He knew he had to get that machete out of Jason's possession somehow. That would make this fight much easier. Michael would get his chance when Jason got ready to slice through him with his machete.
As the machete swung through the air, Michael dodged it and then walked behind Jason. Jason turned around and Michael swung his knife upward. Considering the blade had no problem decapitating that girl, slicing off Jason's hand was no biggie. It landed on the forest ground, still holding the machete. Michael started stabbing Jason relentlessly, covering the slasher's body with puncture wounds and literally decorating Michael's knife completely red.
But all of that only angered Jason further and once his hand had regenerated, Michael flew backward and collided with a tree thanks to a sucker-punch from his opponent. He landed on his front, then got up and placed both of his hands on his back. He heard his spine cracking, causing him to wince. He then nearly had a heart attack as Jason abruptly appeared in front of him. He didn't even see him approaching.
Jason tried to impale through Michael's heart, but ended up stabbing into the tree trunk due to Michael dodging. Michael then grabbed Jason's arm and bent it effortlessly with a CRACK! Jason was now stuck with having to use his good arm until the broken one healed. Blazing with anger, Jason sliced through the tree as he swung his machete. He lifted up his foot and kicked Michael in the face, knocking him flat onto his back. Behind his mask, Michael felt blood on his face as a result of his now broken nose. Blood was also in his windpipe as well, causing him to gargle on it until he took off his mask and coughed it onto the floor, then put his mask back on.
Michael tried getting up, only to be kicked down by Jason. Towering over his victim, Jason began to strangle the life out of the boogeyman of Halloween. He stopped when Michael put both of his thumbs deep into Jason's eyeballs, blinding him. Jason was instantly reminded of the time Freddy Krueger did the same thing with the blades on his trademark glove, and rage filled his mind. Michael then tore out Jason's left lung, and Jason was left with little choice but to rise as this point. A second later, flesh was pierced and Jason grabbed his crotch in pain.
Now able to get up, Michael got to his feet at quick speed and preformed an uppercut while holding his knife. Then, Jason felt no air coming down to his lungs. He then realized that his throat was sliced upwards by Michael's knife, and he saw blood running down to the ground, forming a small puddle of red liquid before his feet. Jason found himself unable to breathe, as he was being choked by his own blood.
It all worsened when Michael put the knife deeper into Jason's jugular and then pulled it out. By now, the blood was gushing out massively, and the blood puddle increased in size. Some blood also stained Michael's suit red. Michael then tackled Jason onto his back and gripped his knife with both hands. He lifted it as high as he could...
When his left hand lost it's grip on the knife, and Michael felt great pain. Something then reached into his gut and tore out his grayish-purple small intestine. Michael got off of Jason as his intestine was fully pulled out. Jason stood up and threw the intestine to the ground. His broken arm now fully regenerated, Jason grabbed Michael's throat and lifted his ninety-seven kilogram body with no effort.
Michael desperately amputated Jason's arm with his knife and then turned around to flee, but was impaled through the heart from behind. He was lifted into the air and Jason walked toward a tree. He swung his machete, resulting in Michael's groin striking against the hard surface of the tree's trunk. He definitely wasn't gonna have kids now.
He was then thrown onto the ground, now impaled no longer. As he rolled onto his back, Jason began to twist Michael's leg. He could feel the bone reaching it's limit and knew Jason wouldn't stop there. He kicked Jason hoping to deter him, but nothing was going to stop the invincible slasher. He tried getting up, but Jason had him right where he wanted him. Pain coursed through his leg; the muscles and bone reached their max flexing potential.
And with one more twist, the bone popped right out.
But Jason wasn't even close to finished. He impaled Michael's right knee and then bent the top of it, rendering that leg useless as well. He then kicked Michael onto his front and literally ripped his entire spine out of his back with his bare hand. He gripped the spine so tightly it snapped in two, and he grabbed the back of Michael's neck and lifted up him. Jason reached into the back of Michael's skull and pulled out his brain, then crushed it.
Jason then tore Michael's entire head off and reached deep into his decapitated body. He pulled out his heart and threw it to the ground so hard that it burst until impact. Jason then hurled Michael's mutilated corpse eight feet away from him before walking out of the scene. He was still the number one slasher in Camp Crystal Lake and nobody would steal that title.
Hiro: Aw, sick!
MBStarscream: Blame the f**king writer!
Hiro: Um, both Jason and Michael were incredibly formidable due to their inhuman capabilities and Michael seems to be smarter but Jason proved to be more advanced in all the categories.
MBStarscream: Michael may be superhuman, but the fact that Jason can flip cars that weigh thousands of pounds gives him the strength advantage over Michael. Both are very difficult to kill, but Jason has endured a lot worse than anything that has ever been thrown at Michael.
Hiro: His machete gave him the advantage right off the bat due to it's disproportionate size in comparison to Michael's kitchen knife and his healing factor trumped Michael's by a huge margin. He is also the more seasoned combatant of the two, showing his two brawls with Freddy who is also on a whole different level compared to what Michael can do.
MBStarscream: And the amount of Michael's kills can't lift a candle to Jason's, making the latter more experienced in both combat and murdering. Combine that with the fact that Michael has no chance knowing about water being Jason's weakness and he guaranteed an unlucky fate from the start.
Hiro: Jason Voorhees wins.
Jason Voorhees (Winner) Edit
- Machete gives him better range
- Superior regeneration
- More experienced in combat
- Has far more kills under his belt
- More durable
- Michael wouldn't know his weakness