In a fight between two stereotypical teenage girls with younger brothers, bossy personalities and 17-year old boyfriends, who will get the best of the other? The eldest Loud or the eldest Flynn-Fletcher?
Hiro: Being the youngest out of the siblings in your family is always hard, and I myself should know. Lincoln Loud, Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher most certainly have to deal with this sort of thing, especially from their bigger bossy sisters, who will be today's combatants.
MBStarscream: Lori Loud, the eldest child of the Loud House.
Hiro: And Candace Flynn, the eldest child of the Flynn-Fletcher household. I'm Hiro Hamada.
MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.
Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.
Hiro: Located at the totally existent city of Royal Woods, Michigan is a house that is addressed 1216 Franklin Avenue, but has an alias that it truly lives up to: The Loud House.
MBStarscream: Yeah, you'd have quite the time living there. Rita Loud and Lynn Loud Sr. are the owners and parents of this house, and their mind-boggling amount of children consist of baby Lily, 4-year old brainiac Lisa, 6-year old twins Lola and Lana, 8-year old gothic Lucy, 11-year old comic book and video game fan Lincoln, 13-year old athletic Lynn Jr., 14-year old prankster Luan, 15-year old rock n' rollin' Luna, 16-year old dumb but sweet Leni...
Hiro: And the eldest of the young bunch at the age of 17, Lori. Being the oldest out of 11 children is a fact that Lori uses to assert authority and absolute dominance over her siblings. She is bossy, condescending and has the second worst temper in the household, only surpassed by Lola.
MBStarscream: She and her Bobby-boo-boo bear boyfriend are also talkin' on the cell phone almost every minute of the day. It's her most valued possession, so, uh, don't try and take it without permission.
Hiro: And certainly don't enter her room without permission either, or else she'll threaten to literally turn you into a human pretzel. Jeez, for something that was an accident? This is why I was never that much of a fan of Get the Message.
MBStarscream: But let's not mention the other ones that are a lot worse than that and instead analyze what Lori can do. She's shown to be a musically inclined one as she's good at trumpet playing, and is quite experienced in golf, giving her decent skill.
Hiro: She is the only one out of Lincoln's sisters with a driving licence, which means that driving the family vehicle Vanzilla isn't a biggie for her. She's also proved to be quite the fighter, being able to wrestle with almost every single one of her siblings in 10-way battle royales.
MBStarscream: Other feats of strength include charging through wooden doors and lifting small drawers. And being able to endure explosions accidentally caused by Lisa that can blow the roof off of the house grants her impressive durability.
Hiro: She is good at leadership roles over her younger siblings and her speed should be comparable to Lincoln and Lynn's. And to elaborate, Lincoln has escaped the vision of several people and Lynn can causally fight faster than the naked eye can see, putting at subsonic speeds at least.
MBStarscream: Lori also has some degrees of something called Toon Force, also called Cartoon Physics. Think of reality warping if it was played for laughs.
Hiro: Toon Force is the ability to replace or apply absurd laws of the universe; the user gains the ability to re-write the strict laws of physics in their universe to their convenience and is allowed to overwrite the laws with more lenient and much more absurd physics.
MBStarscream: Its uses vary, from breaking the fourth wall and making things appear outta nowhere. So this ability, combined with everything else Lori's prove to be capable of, should make it clear that this a girl whose bad side you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.
Hiro: But there are some minor things that ruin it. If Bobby is in Lori's earshot or sight, a goal that she is trying to accomplish can be put in jeopardy. Her temper can also be flared by even the pettiest of things.
MBStarscream: Like when Lincoln accidentally entered her room while playing a VR game and had a heated fight with Leni because they both brought a dress from the mall. It was their fault that the dumb Sister Fight Protocol was even thought of!
Hiro: In some occasions Lori acts without thinking, and commits malicious actions against the others for her own selfish benefits, like in Driving Miss Hazy, but since her love for her family always comes before any petty problem, she has a caring heart underneath a rough exterior, and she will always try to fix her mistakes. Deep down, Lori is insecure and is usually frustrated with the responsibilities and burdens of having to take care of her nine wild sisters and only brother.
MBStarscream: It is also shown that while she gets annoyed and easily agitated by a lot of people, she feels lonely without the people she loves and cares about and her worst fear is in fact, losing them forever.
Hiro: And as the oldest sibling, she is supposed to act responsibly and maturely, but she doesn't always act like that, and instead, she behaves like her youngest sisters, like being afraid to go down into a dark basement.
MBStarscream: And in an even more atrocious episode than Brawl in the Family (yeah, I said that), she fell for Lincoln's lie of being bad luck when Lynn accused him of being bad luck in the first place when she lost a softball game instead of being a good loser and straight up shunned from the family, even forcing him outside in his pajamas and selling his belongings after banning him! I mean, what in the actual gosh-darn heck?!
Hiro: And THEN she and her family began to see Lincoln as good luck when he disguised himself as the mascot of the Squirrels so he could prove that he wasn't bad luck, treating him nothing more than a good luck charm.
MBStarscream: Hiro, I'm getting triggered now, so can we stop talking about that? God, f**k that episode in its putrid a-
Hiro: III'm just gonna wrap this up. Uh, ahem, two final things to mention is that the mere presence of Lincoln's tutor Hugh is enough to make her completely bonkers over him, and at the end of the day, Lori is still by all means human, meaning that she has physical limitations.
MBStarscream: But if none of the Louds are pushovers, then neither is their eldest child, so stay out of her way if her anger is ever unleashed.
Lori: How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that.
Hiro: Stepbrothers Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher live in an another city that exists in fiction-land called Danville, in an unspecified Tri-State area. These two are always up to all kinds of adventures as they seek ways to occupy their time during their summer vacation. Often these adventures involve elaborate, life-sized and ostensibly dangerous construction projects.
MBStarscream: But before their time, Candace Flynn was born on the 11th of July, in this particular city to Linda Flynn and an unnamed father. Being an only child made her feel very lonely until Phineas came along, bringing all the loneliness to an end.
Hiro: They have since come to share a varying, yet enduring relationship. When Candace was a toddler, Linda married Lawrence Fletcher, a British man, whom she had first fallen in love with at a Love Händel concert. She and Phineas were subsequently joined by Lawrence's son, Ferb, who developed a brother and best friend relationship with Phineas.
MBStarscream: And that's how all their misadventures were put into motion. Her typical day consists of trying to get Phineas and Ferb grounded for what they do only to fail miserably. Having gone through the same routine dozens of times Candace has begun to behave in an erratic manner many would call losing the plot.
Hiro: Her brothers occupy a large portion of her thoughts and their regular endeavours, although unintentionally, are a menace to her composure. Due to this it's difficult for her to relax and avoid thinking about them. This habit has taken a reasonable toll on her life, leading her mother into questioning her sanity and forcing her close friends Stacy and Jenny to cope with her frequent obsessions over her brothers.
MBStarscream: However, Candace has managed to refrain from her desire to bust her brothers on rare occasions, and has even benefited from their projects a few times. Something else that also takes up large portions of her time is her obsession with her long-term romantic interest, Jeremy Johnson.
Hiro: Now that we've talked about how her regular days go, why don't we determine if her abilities are enough to win this battle?
MBStarscream: Well, for starters, Candace has shown a vast ability in singing and playing instruments. She can play the guitar and every musical instrument starting with the letter "B", including the banjo, the bass guitar, bagpipe, bassoon and balalaika. Along with that, she has a very good singing voice that I wouldn't mind listening to right about now.
Hiro: She won an annual essay contest for the exclusive Mayor for a Day title, implying that she's quite a talented writer. Candace is tough as well, surviving fatal things such as perilous fall and getting struck by lightning.
MBStarscream: Added with this ridiculous durability is a remarkable athletic prowess that has yet to be paralleled by anyone else. She can run at and maintain high speeds on foot as well as on a bicycle, and her cycling performance in particular is nearly inhuman!
Hiro: Candace has proved that her strength is quite remarkable for her age. Occasions of this include overpowering alligators with her bare hands, lifting and carrying Linda, preforming one-handed push-ups and subdued a giant video game boss Buford by smacking him across the face with her in-game life bar.
MBStarscream: Damn, girl!
Hiro: And in addition, it was made known that she can potentially develop a degree of proficiency in martial arts as demonstrated by Candace-2. She seems to be more flexible than other people, having been able to do the splits with little effort and is an excellent swimmer as well.
MBStarscream: Take this occasion, for instance, when she was unknowingly locked out of a submarine by her brothers. The girl literally swam all the way to shore holding up a disposable camera!
Hiro: She also qualified to become a lifeguard which requires a considerable amount of skill in real life. And contrary to her brother's prowess with building and constructing things, Candace has shown that she has the ability to disassemble things in a very short time frame, seeing as she single-handedly took a train apart to keep the locomotive running, undid the modifications Phineas and Ferb made to the house within less than a minute, even though this was against her will, and tore apart a large contraption with her bare hands after finding out that it was built by her brothers.
MBStarscream: However, she has also been shown to possess some construction ability like her brothers, though to a lesser extent. She has been able to use this skill when given enough motivation and appears to be particularly inclined towards building/carving sculptures, though this may not include castles, at least for much longer.
Hiro: She has a learner's permit and is excellent at parallel parking. It is currently unknown how well she can drive, however, though her urge to bust her brothers has been shown to have a dramatic effect on her driving performance.
MBStarscream: And as always, there's some things that ruin the impressive stuff. Candace has been known to lose her patience very easily and panic at the most insignificant things. For this, Linda attended an author visitation for the series, You and Your High Strung Teen by Bridgette Oshinomi.
Hiro: Bridgette herself related with Linda to having a vigorous daughter of her own but was officially convinced that Candace was much more misbehaved than her own daughter after seeing the photo she sent to Linda's cellphone. However, she along with Linda remained unaware of the circumstances under which the photo was taken.
MBStarscream: A notable trait of Candace contributing to her being quick to panic is her paranoia, which shows itself numerous times. Her paranoia is evident not only on matters involving her brothers, but with her love life as well. As she has strived for Jeremy's affection she would analyze his actions closely trying to piece together his attitude towards her.
Hiro: On several occasions, she would misinterpret his actions and come to abrupt conclusions, often reacting with distress. These occasions include when she came to believe he was dumping her after he cancelled their date and when she was convinced that he never called her by any cute nickname because he didn't care about her.
MBStarscream: Either way, it has turned out on each occasion that Candace responded a bit more forcibly than justified and Jeremy cares about her deeply.
Hiro: Her constant failures trying to expose her brothers' big ideas to Linda have eaten away at her composure over time and she has sunk down into a mentally crippled state. Thus, she frequently displays an erratic behavior for which many people including her mother have come to view her as crazy and questioned her sanity. Few understand that her claims are almost always true and fewer understand how frustrating her day-to-day routines are.
MBStarscream: But disregarding all that, if there's anything else this girl has in common with her opponent, getting on her bad side is an idea I wouldn't recommend.
Candace: You are so busted!
Mario flips a coin.
Hiro: Well, Lori has the upper hand in territory, but is she superior in everything else, or are her capabilities not enough to defeat the eldest Flynn child?
MBStarscream: Hope Nickelodeon and Disney don't sue us for this...
Royal Woods, Michigan
It was hot.
Like, really hot.
Putting up with this would be difficult anytime. But today it was harder than ever. The weather report said it was the hottest day that Royal Woods had had in years. But that didn't stop someone from jogging down the sidewalk.
It was a girl with a round face and her eyes possessed a shade of blue. Her hair was colored orange, and it flowed freely down to her shoulders. The girl's neck was unusually long and she wore a red tank top with a growing white skirt fastened to her waist by a red belt. With that would be a pair of short red socks underneath a pair of white Mary Jane shoes.
Sweat flowed down her forehead as she jogged. Upon looking at herself a bit more closer in a mirror, Candace Flynn had seen this activity as an option to get her weight numbers down a good bit. She had been doing this for a while now, as her sweating forehead and breathing indicated. She lowered her head and wiped it off.
It was too late for the distracted girl to notice someone else in her way, occupied with their own thing.
And just like that, Candace was on the ground. She had pushed herself onto her knees when she noticed who she had bumped into.
It was another girl who was two years Candac's senior, but shorter in height. She wore a light blue tanktop, brown cargo shorts, blue slip-on shoes, and blue eyeshadow. She also wore pearl earrings and had large blonde hair.
A short distance away from the downed girl was a blue cellphone. Candace would learn how much that phone meant to Lori Loud when she picked up the phone and gasped in horror once she got to her feet. The screen was now black and cracks had appeared on it like a spider's web. "MY PHONE!" She screamed. "IT'S LITERALLY BROKEN!"
Candace gasped upon hearing Lori's anguish. "Oh, my goodness! I am so--"
Her attempt to apologize was interrupted by one heck of a scowling glare that Lori directed toward the younger girl. "Look what you've done!" She yelled as she showed the damaged phone to Candace's face. "I was in the middle of a lovely conversation with my Bobby-boo-boo bear and now look what's happened thanks to you!"
"Hey, I was gonna say sorry until you interrupted!" Said Candace, getting annoyed. Didn't this girl know the difference between something on purpose and something on accident? "I didn't even mean it anyway!"
But people like Lori wouldn't have it. "I don't care! You still should've watched where you were going, and maybe I'd still be talking with my boo-boo bear!" Candace's annoyance increased at those words. "What do you expect when you're jogging in weathers that could pop the thermometer?! And who's this "boo-boo bear" guy?"
"This "boo-boo bear guy" is literally my boyfriend Bobby, and if I were you, I'd be taking my jogging somewhere else." Candace spat back with "Don't tell me where to jog! I can jog wherever I want to!"
Lori retaliated with an equally heated tone of voice. "As long as it doesn't destroy people's phones while they're talking with their boo-boo bears!"
Now Candace was completely fed up with this nonsense. All she wanted was to take off a few pounds with a good jog and this is how her efforts were repaid; getting an earful from an irritating girl who clearly hadn't learned the term "Forgive and forget". "Oh my goodness, get over it already! I already said it was an accident!"
"You think you can tell me to get over it?!" Lori said angrily. "Having your phone calls with your boyfriend interrupted and your phone broken by some idiot that didn't bother looking where they jogging isn't something to get over that easily!"
Those last words did Candace in. She stepped up until the two girls were face to face while clenching her fists. "Wanna say that to my face?!" She said threateningly. "Yeah, and turn you into a human pretzel at well!" Lori responded as she too got her fists ready.
The great outdoors were great while they lasted...
"AAAAAAAH!" Lori tackled Candace and the two were enveloped in a dust ball as fists and feet poked themselves out of it while sounds of violence could be heard from inside it. "OW! QUIT PULLING MY HAIR!" Candace screamed. "YOU STOP KICKING MY FACE!" Lori shouted. She planted her knee into Candace's midsection before grabbing her wrists and throwing her aside. Candace stood to her feet and Lori met her head-on with a charge.
The teenager's arms wrapped around Candace's waists as she pushed the younger girl backward. Candace actually managed to reverse their respective positions and push Lori to the ground. She planted her feet in Candace's stomach and pushed with both legs, forcing Candace backward. She then leaped to her feet and jumped in the air. As she came down, her palm struck Candace across her cheek, sending her head to the side.
A tight fist rocketed toward Lori's face, but she ducked underneath it and came back up just as fast, hitting Candace's chin with her head in the process and knocking her backward. She tried to follow this up with a good knuckle-sandwich to the nose, but it only hit air as Candace's head swerved to the right just in time.
Lori moved backwards as Candace delivered an uppercut that would've impacted her opponent's chin. She slapped Candace's fist away and began trading blows with her contender, at one point grabbing her head and slamming her chin onto her knee. Candace gave Lori a strong enough headbutt so that the distance between them increased so that they had breathing room.
She then ran forward and the combatants began kicking each other's legs at breakneck speed. They were doing this for about ten seconds, Lori at one point losing the anger in her expression as she wiped sweat. Lori and Candace eventually broke off and looked ready to continue their brawl... until they both began nursing their legs from all the stress their muscles were put under.
Then the fight was proceeded with.
Step by step, Lori slowly started losing ground to Candace. Every one of her punches came at a cost. When Lori managed to land one attack, Candace would either block the next one or respond and send her reeling back with her own strikes, and they were clearly stronger than Lori expected from her adversary.
With this in mind, she decided to fight just as defensively as she was offensively, and began blocking more of Candace's blows, still occasionally unleashing her own form of attack. But she could still feel the strength from Candace's fists, and slowly but surely, her guard was beginning to crack as she found it more hard to keep it up against Candace's offense.
"She's stronger than she looks!" Lori thought to herself. "I gotta do something that'll will get her guard down long enough for me to show her who's boss!"
Inspiration struck. A grin spread across her lips, bearing her teeth. She squatted down and threw a punch at Candace's leg, hoping to down her. Indeed, Candace was forced to lower herself. A thrill of satisfaction was sent through Lori's veins. But she wasn't prepared for retaliation.
She let out a throaty groan as Candace planted her fist into the Loud girl's abdomen. Standing upright, Candace lifted her foot and brought it down on top of Lori's as hard as she could. An agonized bellow tore out of her throat so loudly that the birds were flying away in a startled panic. She was then jump kicked to the ground as if she wasn't already humiliated. Enraged, she pushed herself up and ran toward Candace at high speed.
The punch Lori had been hoping to smash Candace's face with was dodged. She dug her heels in the concrete in a desperate attempt to halt, but inertia proved to be a cruel mistress. Lori staggered, thrown off balance by her own forward momentum. "Dang it! I can't--"
Her thought was cut off by a heavy blow to her spine, forcing her to arch her back sharply. She spun around in a fit of anger. A few more quick alternating jabs, including one where Lori followed Candace's fingers in a comical manner before she was punched. There was eye-poking, headlocks, roundhouse kicks, slaps across the face, and even a "Stop hitting yourself!" gag with Candace being the unfortunate victim of it.
The next minute, the two were choking each other like Homer Simpson, hands around each other's neck. Even through their gasps for air, their glares never left each other. They stayed like this for three and a half seconds before Candace got an idea. In a strained voice, she managed to choke out, "L-Look! Your Bobby whatever-bear's behind you!"
That did the trick. Lori released Candace and looked behind her faster than you can say "Loud". "Where?!" She yelled jovially. Before she could even process that nobody was actually standing behind her, Lori was pushed and pinned down on her back with Candace's hands still around her throat. Both girls grunted with exertion, Lori trying to escape and Candace fighting to keep her retrained underneath her body.
Lori struggled, pushed and squirmed, but try as she might. she could not be free. The grip on her neck began to tighten, straining her breathing even further. Candace held her position as Lori writhed desperately underneath her. Then, with another squeeze, the end had been signified with a crack.
All the thrashing stopped forever as two hands dropped on either side of a now lifeless body. Candace stood up and towered above the now deceased Loud child. She walked a few feet away from Lori so that she could see the dead girl at a better distance. Relieved that this conflict had now been finished, she went back to the jogging she had simply been doing before all this happened.
Elsewhere, an African-American boy with glasses and a yellow-and-blue striped shirt with a white collar stared in absolute horror at the sight of his former crush. Clyde McBride unleashed his angst with a skyward scream of a single word.
MBStarscream: Well, look on the bright side, Clyde. There's plenty other fish in the sea, trust me on that.
Hiro: Lori might have held the advantage in age and fighting skill, but those were the only things that allowed her to hang in there until Candace's lead in everything else eventually granted her the victory in this scenario.
MBStarscream: Try fighting somebody who pinned an alligator on it's back and crippled it without harm to themselves. And alligators are pretty effin' heavy animals!
Hiro: And the accidental explosions that Lori can survive are nothing in comparison to the lightning strikes and falls that no-one would survive unless they were Superman in disguise, putting any durability feat the Louds have shown to pure shame and spelling further trouble for Lori.
MBStarscream: And as you probably already saw from their infos as we analyzed them, Candace has a good size advantage over Lori, standing 5 inches taller and being 18 pounds heavier than her. This alone should have made it clear who was outclassed in physical strength.
Hiro: Lori isn't any slouch in physicality either, but she simply can't compare to the athletic capacity that Candace can use at any time to dominate the competition. And one final thing to mention is that Candace holds the upper hand in not just strength, durability and physique, but feats in general. I mean, have any of the Louds been seen swimming to shore by themselves while holding cameras, tearing apart contrivances bare-handed and taking apart trains? I think we've made the superiority in Candace's capabilities over Lori's own skills abundantly clear.
MBStarscream: Lori tried her best, but her victory wasn't aloud.
Hiro: Candace Flynn wins.
Candace Flynn (Winner)Edit
- A lot stronger
- More durable
- Bigger physical development in general
- Superior in athleticism
- Has accomplished more impressive feats